Do you guys know how I freaking hate them?!?
I HATE THEM TO THE MAXX!!
Just imagine one peaceful night when you're so refreshed and stuff and just surfing the internet before you sleep then all of a sudden you see.......A FUCKING LIZARD CRAWLING ON THE WALL.
Then I would end up being unable to sleep coz of the thought that it might crawl on me! EWWWW!
Why are these freaking annoying house lizards everywhere?!? In every house that I visit (even those newly built ones) they exist!! WTF! But for some reason though, there are more lizards in our house in Batangas than in Alabang! Like every week I can see one in our house in Batangas! I know, I know it's not that many compared to other houses but the fact is, I freak out whenever I see one! It's like I developed some sort of phobia (Well not exactly phobia) to them.
Imagine a more disgusting mini-version of an alligator/crocodile living in your house..ON YOUR WALLS! FUCK THIS SHIT.
Plus it's super disgusting can? The skin looks humanly and have you seen their shits? It's annoyingly disgusting!
But last week I just had enough of these little fuckers and decided to brutally kill them one by one! Ok lor not "brutally" but trap them using a mouse trap! In fact, since last week I've tried to kill 2 lizards and successfully killed 1 of those 2!! Maid killed another one after that.
Bloody batch of lizards all have dark black spots on them. I KILLED YOUR ENTIRE FAMILY!! Roooarrr!
Their favourite place appears to be the walls outside/backyard/pool, where... believe it or not, lizards need to drink water too!
I suppose in their free time they also like to frolic about and playfully splash the water onto one another, then have disgusting lizard sex and give birth to ugly babies. FUCK YOU!!
Gross! Disgusting pics I saw on Google wtf.
They also like the dirty kitchen, where, if they are lucky enough, They eat the little food crumbs around.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE LITTLE BITCHES??
I mean, they get a wide variety of little flying insects to choose from, and yet, they seem to prefer to eat human food!!
What's their problem? Insects too gross for you to eat mah?!?
Danny told me that his friend once found a lizard inside a box which contained a single doughnut. Only a quarter of the doughnut and an extremely fat lizard remained in the box!! Lizard ate 3/4 of a doughnut!!! SHIOK HOR? CAN EAT DOUGHNUT SOMEMORE!!
Therefore, I thus make it my life mission to kill as many lizards as humanly possible.
Even when I am sleeping, I must make sure some of them die... Which is why I bought mouse/lizard traps.
These traps are THE BOMB!!
They are made of cardboard, and you peel off the sticker, revealing a thick layer of glue - and at the middle of it all, a little white ball of innocuous-looking bait. You fold the cardboard, and there is even a little hole for you to see if lizards got trapped inside, and a handle so that you don't have to touch the dirty muthafucker!
I bought 2 traps and both caught a lizard each!! Unfortunately, by the time I saw its success the lizards were dead.
How come so fast to die one?? I wanted to poke it with a barbecue stick and spray with lysol to watch it thrashing around for a bit first!!
Maybe the glue is poisonous? Anyway both lizards didn't manage to even go close to the bait, so they must have died with a terrible curiousity!! I hope their friends come and have a closer look and then, out of pure lizard loyalty, try to extricate the corpse and hold a respectable funeral for the dead. Then, they all get caught too!!
In fact, the live lizards then scream (in their stupid tsk tsk noises) for help and more stupid lizards die in my trap!!
MUHAHAHAHAHA!!
(I was staring at the pink, bald corpse last week. It looks like a transparentish fetus/naked mole rat. REALLY GROSS!!! I WANT TO PUKE WHEN I SAW IT! ACK!)
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And to those numerous people who think I should be kind/I will go to hell/lizards never harmed me why am I so mean etc etc irritating preachy people who try to tell others what to do: Fuck you.
Riiiiiight, I'm going to listen to you and become the patron saint of lizards suddenly!! Oh yes! Yuhan the patron saint of killing the lizards! I have been so cruel, and all it took was your grammatically incorrect web comment to wake me up and have a startling revelation!
You know what, preachers? If you want to tell others how to live their lives, go ahead and have a kid, so you can infuse it with all your amazing moral theories. Otherwise, nobody's interested.
ARGGHHHHH I AM SO IRRITATED TODAY LOR!! DON'T MIND ME, I JUST FREAKING HATE LIZARDS OK? OR MAYBE COZ I'M SO STRESSED COZ OF SCHOOL?
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ON A LIGHTER NOTE...
Ate Jacq from Japan just came home!! And she bought me:
ZOMG! Ikea Swedish meatballs from IKEA itself! Complete with gravy and lingonberry jam of course(and also some mashed potato). Didn't know that you can buy some of these in Ikea. Very efficient and delicious! :D
And...
KKBYE!
